I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
