If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
