The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
