3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she peed on how many people?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
