She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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