dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
