Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
