Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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