I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
