WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
