Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A+ Viking dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
