We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
