Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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