another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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