I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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