I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
