OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I looked at my own cervix.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
