just tell him i said nine months
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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