If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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