girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
