I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
