And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
