I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
