i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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