So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
