If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
