just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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