So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
