It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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