this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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