So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
