That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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