Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
