I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
