Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
