there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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