There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
