You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
