After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
