I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
