Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
