she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
