I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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