I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
