I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
