party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
