everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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