I didn't shave. On purpose
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
