I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
