This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
