just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
