I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
im on a boat
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